Choices...

I'm currently doing battle with this in terms of where to live and I can't decide whether I have too much or too little. The more I think about it, the more I feel like I'm going round in circles. At this rate, we will end up with a camper van, travelling the length and breadth of the country (but that too is quite appealing!). Mental note to myself- decisions are not my strong point.

Turning over a new leaf...

Breaking the chains...

Words to follow later... (as it happens, a few weeks later- oh well).

The light on this day was amazing, glistening on the surface of the water as we threw pebbles into the waves

"Oh I do like to be beside the seaside"

Silent screaming...

I've been trying to help a dear, dear man through a very tough time in his life. I know it has given him space to breathe and try to recover, but somehow it has left me feeling powerless and also frustrated. Part of me wants to shake him and say 'get a grip' then I see the turmoil in his eyes and want to wave a magic wand and make it all better. I know I can't solve his problems and that makes me sad. His soul is silently screaming out for rescue and only he can save himself...keep going dear Dad.

Abstractions...

Or should that be distractions...another day of filling up my 'artist's well', having been somewhat 'sludgy' and faintly stagnant a few months ago, it now appears to be positively brimming over. How thankful I am of a way of escaping from the hum drum of everyday existence.

Honesty...

Simplicity...

Give me roses in my garden, not diamonds round my neck

What...

What words uttered from my lips
silenced yours
What smile came from my mouth
to turn your face to stone
What look in my eyes
sent your gaze into the distance
What touch did I venture
that made your body recoil
What soul did I bare
that couldn’t penetrate yours

Dreaming...

I live my life in colour and yet sometimes I dream in black and white. I woke with a smile on my face, slowly emerging from a dream of what could have been...back into reality. It was a harsh awakening this morning. I feel I should be grateful for what I have, and I am, I truly am and yet, sometimes, just sometimes, I feel I want more. I have a job that pays (for the most part) the bills, I have a beautiful daughter and great friends and yet still, in the moments that come in the silence between the mayhem, I yearn for what could have been, what I dreamt my life could be. So I stomped through the rain and the wind, hoping that the reality of my life would be enough to wash away the feeling that had clung to me since dawn, but it wasn't. It lingered, in the background, throughout the day.

Find me, keep me...

Having re-discovered the 'me' (and yes, it did take a long time), the me that was always there, the me that was crying out for a life less ordinary, but was shrouded in another existence, I'm determined not to lose me again- ever.